Relationship Counselling South

Relationship Counselling for Hampshire Surrey and Wiltshire

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We are all Relate fully trained and experienced counsellors, who specialise in helping people address issues in their relationships. We understand that making the decision to get counselling can be difficult, and we have helped people through this hundreds of times.

We offer:

Currently all our services are being offered online only

Once lockdown restrictions allow, face-to-face counselling will be available as follows…

• Relationship Counselling for Couples and Individuals: Aldershot, Andover, Basingstoke, Bordon, Farnham, Liss and Overton

• Counselling for Young People: Aldershot, Farnham

• Family Counselling: Aldershot, Basingstoke, Bordon, Farnham, Liss

• Psychosexual Therapy (Sex Therapy): Aldershot, Andover, Farnham, Basingstoke, Devizes, Salisbury, Amesbury

To book an appointment please contact your counsellor of choice directly. Each counsellor has a "Who we are" page with contact details.

Other sources of support

Many good books on relationships are available these days. We particularly recommend those published by RELATE.

If you are experiencing changes in mood, it may be worth talking to your GP to rule out medical causes.

And if you are in danger from violence, abuse, or suicidal urges, please get help quickly from an appropriate agency such as Samaritans or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, or call 999.

A Therapist's View

Improv skills for relationships!

I was listening to a podcast recently with Colin Mochrie, who used to be on Whose line is it anyway? He described the principles of Improv comedy, and how hard it is to do! He runs workshops where they try to teach it to people, but he finds many people are deeply ingrained with doing the opposite. And yet these skills are the same ones that will help in a relationship.

He said there are three things to do in Improv: (1) Listen to your partner. (2) Agree with whatever they said. And (3) make them look good. So often, I see couples where both partners automatically do the opposite of these three things. They try to make their own point, they try to find a way to disprove whatever their partner said, and they try to make a snappy comeback.

(1) Listen. Many people, while their partner is talking, are listening to their own thoughts, preparing their own statement. They don’t know what their partner said, or they didn’t really take in the implications. I know this because I ask them: can you play back what your partner just said? Often, they can’t.

(2) Agree. This means, finding a way it could be true, or could make sense. Improv comedians say “Yes and…”. What is your partner really getting at? Suppose, for example, your partner says “you never clean the bath after yourself”, and you know that you do. You may feel outrage! But instead, could you perhaps sincerely say “I guess my standards of cleaning are lower than yours”? Or “I know I can be pretty forgetful”?

(3) Make them look good. Or in the case of a couple, make them feel good. Don’t try to “win”. Maybe you could sincerely say that you’re very grateful for their cleaning, because you know you’d live in a mess if you didn’t have them.
Maybe you’re thinking that if you do this, you’ll “lose”. All I can say is, winning doesn’t get you what you want. I've never seen anyone persuade their partner to change by landing a really stinging comeback.

If you need help with this, give us a call.

-- Mike

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